Fire and Rain
by weirdgirl42
Summary: When the worst happens, how can they expect him to be OK?  POST LIVING DOLL


Title: Fire and Rain  
Author: weirdgirl42  
Summary: When the worst happens, how can they expect him to be okay?  
Spoilers: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "LIVING DOLL"  
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI (obviously) nor do I own the song "Fire and Rain"

_Authors note: I sincerely hope that nothing like this happens on the show. But I heard this song and the story came to me._

**Fire and Rain**

Grissom stared at the door to the morgue. Everyone from Catherine to Doc Robbins to the new lab tech had warned him not to go in there. That it wouldn't help. But something was pushing him forward until he stood before the door. With a shaking hand he pushed it open and walked into the dimly lit room.

She lay on the metal slab and Grissom was glad he hadn't eaten in 24 hours so there was nothing to throw up. Walking to her side he pulled the white sheet down so he could see the bruises and angry red marks that covered her torso.

"Oh Honey," he whispered.

They hadn't let him see her until now. When they'd gotten the call yesterday morning that the car had been found he and the rest of the team had raced out to the site. But when they'd gotten there, the EMTs informed them that Sara was already dead. It had taken Nick, Warrick, and Greg to stop him from running to the stretcher carrying her body. As she was loaded into the rescue helicopter he'd fallen to his knees and four days of emotion spilt out of him at once.

_Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone  
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you  
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song  
I just can't remember who to send it to _

Nick had been holding him from behind and fell with the older man. Grissom could hear his whispers of attempted comfort but the words were lost in Nick's own sobs. Warrick was holding Catherine tightly as their tears mixed. Greg had walked back to the Denali and was currently taking all his feeling out on the SUV. Beating on the windows and doors until he had no strength left and had fallen to the ground.

Now as Grissom stared down at the broken body of his love he couldn't stop the tears again. He quickly covered her torso so that only her face was showing. Everyone had told him seeing her wouldn't help, that the car had crushed her ribs and she wouldn't be the person he knew.

They were wrong. The car may have crushed her ribs but her face was the same. If he tried really hard he could pretend that she was just sleeping. That if he leaned down and kissed her she'd wake up and ask him what was for breakfast and if he'd walked the dog already. He gently pushed the hair back from her eyes before kissing her forehead and then her lips.

She didn't wake up.

He'd been so sure they would find her in time. Like they had found Nicky two years ago. He knew that sometimes they were too late and couldn't help the victim. But he'd been so sure that they'd find her.

He didn't realize that there was anyone else in the room until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Brass standing behind him, a question in the other man's eyes. Grissom nodded his head before turning back to Sara one more time. Leaning down he touched his forehead to hers, something he had done numerous times in the past. Their way of assuring the other they were there.

The first time he had done it was right after they rescued Nick. He had found her sobbing alone in the locker room. He had finally decided in his office moments ago to go to her apartment and ask her if it was too late for them. Sitting down next to her on the bench he'd put a hand to her cheek. If she'd been surprised by the action she didn't show it. She'd just turned and whispered, "Why would someone want to hurt him like that?"

That's when he'd leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. They didn't speak. Just sat. And then he'd stood up and offered her his hand. "Am I took late" he'd asked. When she shook her head he'd smiled. And they'd been together since then.

Until now.

Now he held his forehead against hers for the last time before moving away from the table and following Brass out. "I really thought we'd find her," he said to his friend.

Brass just led Grissom out of the building and took him home.  
_  
I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
But I always thought that I'd see you again  
_  
Grissom stared at the tie in his hands. He'd tried to tie it five times before giving up. His hands wouldn't stop shaking. Now as he held the object in his hands he flashed back on his childhood, sitting in church with his mother, holding rosary beads. He remembered the conversation he'd had with Sara about religion. He had told her the truth, he wasn't a Catholic. He wasn't even sure if he believed in god, now more than ever. But as he stared down at the tie he found his lips moving. Forming words he hadn't spoken in decades.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Hail Mary, mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our deaths. Please tell her I love her."

Catherine walked into the room and sat down on the bed next to him. He looked up and saw Warrick standing in the doorway. They'd come together, in more ways than one. Tragedy fueled love, like it had with him and Sara. As Catherine took the tie from his hands and draped in around his neck he thought he might cry again. He closed his eyes and willed that when he opened them again it would be Sara carefully tying the Windsor knot. But he opened his eyes, and it was still Catherine.

When the tie was finished she stood up before holding out her hand to help him up. As he felt his legs wobble slightly he knew that if she wasn't there to pull him, he wouldn't make it to the service.  
_  
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus  
You've got to help me make a stand  
You've just got to see me through another day  
My body's aching and my time is at hand  
And I won't make it any other way  
_  
The service was a blur. And before he knew it Catherine was patting his arm to tell him it was his turn to speak. He stood and walked to the front of the room.

"As many of you know," he began, "it is in the words of others that I tend to express myself." He felt his chest tighten and he closed his eyes briefly before continuing. "But today that doesn't seem good enough. She deserved more than someone else's words. She deserved more than anything life ever gave her. And I'll forever be grateful for the time I had with her. As friends, and then as more."

He had to pause and swallow the lump in his throat. Looking around he saw that there were no dry eyes. "So although she deserved better than someone else's words, right now they are all I can give her."

The rest of the team closed their eyes, expecting to hear a quote from Shakespeare, or Milton, or something like that. So when Grissom spoke they all felt the same surprise.

" 'Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life I love you more.' I love you Sara."  
_  
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
But I always thought that I'd see you again_

Grissom stared at the empty cocoon sitting in the terrarium on his shelf. He remembered carefully packing it in a box and writing her name and address on it. He remembered how lonely he'd been on his sabbatical. He shook his head at the memory. That loneliness had nothing on what he felt now.

She'd been gone six days now. He'd handed his resignation that morning. Ecklie had sighed but hadn't tried to talk him out of it. He knew the CSI wouldn't listen to arguments about moving on and for the good of the lab.

So now he was packing his office. Meticulously placing items into boxes. Very gently he pulled the cocoon out of it's case and twirled the stick in his hand. He remembered how excited she had been when it had hatched. How she had looked at him and he'd known he'd been fully forgiven for taking off the way he had. Now as he stared at the remains of the object he wanted to crush it in his hand.

He placed it carefully back into the terrarium instead.

Catherine walked in. "Is it true?" she asked.

"Is what true?" He didn't turn to face her.

"You're leaving?"

Grissom took a breath. "Yes," he exhaled.

"Gil I know what you're feeling. When Eddie died I wanted…I wanted to give up too. But she wouldn't want you…"

Grissom whirled around. "Don't try to tell me what she would have wanted. You have no idea what she would have wanted." The strength in his voice surprised both of them. He hadn't spoken this vehemently since they'd found Sara's body and he was crying out for her.

Nick, Warrick, and Greg had come when they heard the yelling. Grissom looked at the expressions on their faces and his shoulder's slumped.

"I can't do this," he said. "I can't come here everyday when she's everywhere. And she's everywhere at home too. I can't go back there. I can't be here. I can't watch our dog wait for her at the door every night."

"What about us?" Nick said. "I know you're hurting. But what about the rest of us? We loved Sara. Not like you did but we loved her. And now you're gonna leave?"

"Griss I don't know if I can take losing you both," Warrick said.

Grissom just shook his head. "You lost me as soon as her heart stopped."__

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun  
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around  
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come  
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground   
  
Grissom stared out at the ocean. San Francisco was just like he remembered it. But like everywhere else, it seemed slightly dimmer without her. Unlatching the cover of the urn in his hands he waited for a gust of wind and let Sara's ashes fly out over the Pacific.

He felt the spray off the water and closed his eyes, breathing in the air. For the first time since she'd been taken he felt like he had filled his lungs with oxygen. Next to him Bruno sat obediently, as if he understood what was going on. Leaning his head against his master's leg the boxer did his best to offer some comfort. Grissom scratched behind the dog's ears and smiled, also for the first time since she'd be taken.

"Thyself away art present still with me," he said to the ocean. Then he turned back towards his SUV that carried every possession he could fit into it. He wasn't sure where he was going. He'd had dozens of teaching offers in the past week but had yet to decide on one. "What do you think Bruno?" he asked. "I hear Berkeley's nice this time of year."  
_  
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain  
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend  
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now  
Thought I'd see you one more time again  
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now  
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now_

**The End**

_Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think._


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